Becca Faith Yoga

So remember my big idea?  Yeah, THAT big idea.  Well this past Saturday was my 25th birthday, and I absolutely couldn’t wait to open the letter from past-me to future-me (really, present-me).  I had the great, great honor of teaching a class at OM on Saturday morning, so I explained my experiment and ripped open the envelope and read the whole thing aloud:

2/19/09

Dear Becca,

Today is the last day you are 23 years old.  Here are some things that seem(ed) important today:

1.  Your plans to go home with D. and D. Your high school friends flaked but you’ve resolved to go to New Hope and drink and maybe pierce something.

2.  Completing your Yoga Synthesis class assisting requirement.

3.  Your boss joined eHarmony today and even though she doesn’t have faith, you really hope she finds someone special.

4.  You are reading Pema Chodron’s The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Lovingkindness.

5.  You are anxious that D. will give you a shitty gift and if he does, that it means he doesn’t really know you.  You are trying to simply label this “Thinking” and let it go.

6.  The inspirations for this list were PostSecret and the desire to write anything at all because your handwriting rocks today :0)

7.  You miss Eli…more than anyone knows.

Happy Birthday!

A year and one day later, none of it matters.

I did go home that weekend but didn’t go to New Hope, and I didn’t pierce anything but got my first tattoo shortly thereafter; I assisted a class that very night and it was an absolute nightmare; my boss found true love, but not on the internet; I read and re-read and re-re-read Pema’s book; my boyfriend gave me a great gift, but I’ve since realized that has ferociously little to do with how well he knows me (and he knows me quite well btw); I’m not as impressed with my script, though it’s cute; and I still miss my bunny, Eli, more than anyone knows.

The fruition of this experiment could not have come at a better time.  Now more than ever, as I cope day-by-day with a family tragedy, and keep trying (unsuccessfully) to put down my grief and let go of this exhausting, all-consuming sadness, I know that in time its intensity will dissolve.  I try to keep reminding myself that all of the things that seem so solid today will drop to the bottom of the proverbial River of Time and rest where they fall even as the stream pushes forward, forward, forward.  The rocks don’t change, of course, but our closeness to them does, and that…well, at least that’s something.